All of the hearts and flowers that start appearing in the stores this time of year remind me I'm not doing the best job I can as a wife. My husband gets ignored when I'm busy finishing up a blog post, working on a program, or getting the house ready for my next moms' group. I get tired taking care of business – the business of managing a household, the business of juggling the kids' day-to-day needs, and the business of running a business – and there isn't much room for him at the end of the day. My plate is full.
My husband gets only leftover me.
Relationship expert and psychologist John Gottman suggests that couples invest around five hours a week into tending their relationship, doing things like going on dates, spending one-on-one time together at home, checking in with each other (and paying attention to the answers), connecting before leaving for the day in the morning and reconnecting at the end. When I read this statistic while researching my book, The Well-Crafted Mom, my heart sank. Five hours? Where am I going to find five extra hours?
The thing is, it doesn't take five hours.
"Marriages aren't healed with big things; they're healed with small things done every day," writes clinical psychologist and blogger Dr. Kelly Flanagan. "They aren't healed by doing new things. They're healed by doing old things we used to do and quit doing somewhere along the way."
Want to find out how you can help your husband to feel like he's the main course (or at least a big helping of a tasty side dish) and give your relationship more than just the leftover you? Join me on my Friday Free Call on February 5th. I'll share lots of little ways you can reconnect, what happens at my house to make the guilt go away, and what you can do if you're feeling way too overwhelmed with everything else on your plate to know where to start. Sign up here.