Do you reload the dishwasher? You know, when your husband puts the glasses in all willy-nilly or the silverware is all pointing down instead of up so there’s no way anything is going to come out clean.

Do you politely decline offers of help from your spouse, your mom, or friends – even though you’re feeling overloaded – because it’s just simpler to do everything all by yourself? But then you feel resentful that you’re doing everything all by yourself?

Do you notice that your spouse doesn’t offer to change the baby as much anymore? Or offer to make coffee? Or help out in the kitchen? He complains that whenever he helps, you hover over him, offering “advice” (which might sound an awful lot like criticism). 

Maybe your perfectionism used to be your very best friend. It helped you to be an excellent employee. Kept your house neat and clean. Earned you kudos (and great grades) all throughout school. 

But things are different now that you’re a mom. 

How can you possibly feel like you’re perfect when your child is waking up four times throughout the night, or biting other kids at preschool, or getting sent to the principal’s office because he’s distracting other kids in the classroom?

Is perfectionism taking its toll on you, your moods, and your marriage?

• Perfectionism means that you can’t take a break until the chores are done. But what happens when your more easy-going husband doesn’t set the same get ‘er done standards for himself? Do you become more and more angry because he gets to put his feet up and watch the game while you’re still picking up the kids’ toys scattered all around the house?

• Perfectionism means making sure you’re being the very best parent to your child. But what does that mean, exactly? Do you follow attachment parenting methods? Do you choose cloth diapers over disposables? Do you wear your baby in a Mobi wrap or Ergo? Do you choose a Waldorf, Montessori, or Reggio Emilia preschool? Public or private elementary school? The decisions are endless – and exhausting.

• Perfectionism means that no one else can do anything quite as well as you can. It’s saying to yourself, “It’s easier to just do it myself” over and over again. It means that you fall into bed at the end of the day completely spent – maybe even resentful – and definitely unhappy.

Is it time to reevaluate your relationship with perfectionism?

Perfectionism may feel like an old friend but her heavy-handed rules may no longer be helping you. Let’s get on a one-on-one free call to talk about how you can ease out of your relationship with perfectionism – and what you can turn to instead. Send me an email so we can set up a time to talk. 

If only was a phrase that once ruled my life: If only the boys would sleep through the night; If only I made more money; If only my husband Bill appreciated everything I did around the house. If only. If only. If only.

If only always waited for something to change before getting started on anything new.

Whenever I started a thought with If only, it put my happiness on hold. 

If only meant that I spent more time wishing for things to be different than putting the effort into creating what would actually make my life look and feel different. 

If only is insidious. It creeps into your life when you're not paying attention. You know that If only is in the room when you feel stuck and lackluster. You can be sure If only is hanging out nearby when you're so very capable of finding lots of reasons why you can't move forward. 

I've created big changes in my life whenever I've decided to kick If only to the curb and started asking for inspiration from What if instead: 

* If only I liked my job turned into What if I went to school to become a massage therapist?
Answer: 16+ years of doing work that I love.

* If only Bill and I would stop bickering shifted to What if we went to counseling?
Answer: We built a strong marriage which has been capable of weathering any storm - including two kids, a garage sale every year, eight days with a broken hot water heater, and oh yeah, we co-authored a book recently, too.

* If only I had clients changed into What if I invited moms to come to monthly groups at my house?
Answer: Two years of the most amazing moms coming together to talk, share, have fun, and find solutions.

What are your If only's? 

What's keeping you feeling trapped and uninspired? 

What would you do if you were happier? If you enjoyed your job? If you felt excited every morning to start the day?

Come join me at my moms' group this month where we'll talk about how If only shows up in your life, how What if can get you started on the path to somewhere new, and how As if acts as the tool you need to create big changes in your life, starting right now. Register here!