Ever since kids came, has your marriage been unrecognizable? Maybe you and your spouse bicker all the time, sometimes about big things, like your finances or decisions about the kids' future. A lot of the time, though, it feels like the same argument over and over again:
- He's not doing it right (whatever it is).
- She’s overreacting, again.
- Everything would be okay if only he helped out more, if she came home on time, if the other person did more, did less, did things differently...
Before you got married – and even in the early days of your marriage – you heard people say that marriage is hard. You didn't realize that it was going to be THIS hard.
So you do one of three things to make it easier.
1. You make decisions and take care of matters without involving your partner. It's just better this way. The less you talk, the less likely it is that you'll fight. You know if you have a conversation about finding a new nanny, whether or not to change pediatricians, or the fact that your daughter bit another girl at preschool, you and your spouse will get into another argument. It's just better to handle it by yourself.
But you notice how far you and your partner are drifting apart.
2. You do it your spouse's way, letting him decide the best financial planner to meet with, the best car to buy, whether your kids go to private or public school. It’s far easier to cave than to fight.
But you notice how resentful you feel. This can't be good.
3. You resign yourself to the fact that this is how it's going to be, telling yourself, "It is what it is." You don’t fight with your spouse but you don’t feel connected either.
You become more and more unhappy, asking "Is this really all there is?”
What if doing hard things with your partner created closeness? What if making tough decisions despite your differences brought you together? What if your challenges felt just as good as the easy and enjoyable moments?
My husband, Bill, and I just finished writing a book together and we learned a lot about how a hard project can either pull the threads of your relationship apart or mend and strengthen the rips and tears, drawing you even closer.
We’re holding a free call for our community to share our very best tips for how to do hard things with the person you love.
Whether the challenge in your relationship is as big as writing a book or as small as deciding who makes school lunches, we want to help. In the call, we’ll explore how you can find ways to use the challenges in your relationship to bring you closer together.
Click here to sign up for the free call!