I'm not a fan of the term "self-care." It brings to mind long baths with essential oils and getaways with girlfriends.

I'm currently the queen of quick showers; I haven't soaked in the tub in more than a year. 

I see this, however, as a big step toward self-care.

I missed the last getaway with my group of nine coaches. 

This is self-care, too.

What I define as self-care are the commitments and promises we make to ourselves to support us as we go through the day.

Self-care is rushing through a shower so that I have time to take the dog (and me) on a walk.

Self-care is missing the coaches getaway because I needed quiet time to process the health issues that are happening with members of my family. 

Recently, I was working with a coaching client who is overwhelmed with many decisions she must make to move her life forward. Self-care wasn't coming up on her list of priorities; it didn't appear at all on her to do list. She was surviving on caffeine to get through the long hours of each day and couldn't even fathom how to fit in anything more than what she was already doing.

Water, I suggested. What about committing to drinking a 12-ounce glass of water every morning?

She blinked, surprised. That's it? 

We think of self-care as being an hour or more dedicated to ourselves, not a small moment in the morning.

We think of self-care as big things that we must plan for, make room for, get childcare for, and rearrange our schedules for.

I want you to ask yourself, "What is the minimum care I need?"

And then make it smaller.

And smaller.

And even smaller.

I want you to find your barebones minimum. 

Using your barebones minimum, I want you to make a lasting commitment to yourself by promising to do one small good thing for you, and only you, each and every day.

For my client, her barebones minimum is drinking a glass of water in the morning.

For me, I started with committing to taking my supplements and vitamins every morning.

Then, when that became a habit, I committed to drinking a green smoothie every day. 
When the smoothie became a habit, I committed to meditating. At some point each day - usually in the morning - I listen to a guided meditation by Oprah and Deepak Choprah. (FYI: They have a brand new - and free! - meditation experience starting October 29th. Go to chopracentermeditation.com/about-us to join.)

My next commitment starting this week is to do one Sun Salutation a day. Just one.

Reading the list, it seems like a lot until I remember that I started my barebones minimum project more than a year ago.

Little by little, with small moments of self-care, you can build a life you love.

I'm offering a free webinar on Tuesday, October 23rd at 10:00 a.m. PT to talk about the barebones approach to self-care. Can you join me? Even if you can't make it live, sign up and I'll send you the recording so you can listen to it later on your own time. 

In the webinar, I'll be sharing well-researched ways to build new habits, like how much easier it is to build a new habit rather than stopping an old one; how self-compassion is much more effective than negative self-talk (and it feels so much better, too); and I'll answer your questions (as best I can because this will be the first time I'll be doing a Q&A) to help you begin your own barebones commitment.

Click here to join.

Remember, my lovelies, you don't have to do it all or be everything to everybody. You only have to do your personal best, whatever that looks like today. 

And that's more than enough.
​
Big hugs,
Kathleen

"The art of being helpful is behaving as if everything we do matters - 
 because we never know which ones might."
Gloria Steinem

I like to check in with my massage therapy clients, find out what's going on with them at work, in their relationships, with their kids (if they want to share). 

One of my clients told me about an inspirational conference she attended where the keynote speaker told the audience that if they have the ability to help and share their knowledge, they should.

Her enthusiasm inspired me and I reached out to support a colleague who is bouncing through a rough patch. We've been meeting for coaching sessions for the last month and she's grateful for the help.

I'm grateful, too.

Helping feels good. It's one of the paths to happiness listed in Sonja Lyubormirsky's great book, The How of Happiness. 

However, people can often feel self-conscious about asking for help and then accepting it from others. But accepting help can be as much of a gift for the giver as it is for the receiver. One research study showed higher levels of the "love hormone," oxytocin, in people who are very generous toward others. Other studies have shown the "helper's high" lights up the same reward centers of the brain as other feel-good activities, like eating good food. 

The next time you resist accepting help from others, perhaps because you believe that you're imposing or asking too much, think about how saying yes can bring big benefits, not just to you but to your altruistic friend, as well.

Photo by Chungkuk Bae on Unsplash
​

It’s been a crazy week. Whether you spent Thursday live streaming the Senate hearings or not, there was no avoiding the drama unfolding in Washington D.C. For so many women I know, getting through the week felt like trying to stay upright in hurricane force winds.

Me, too. 

The crazier the world feels, the more I want to hunker down and wait out the storm in the safety of my home with family, trusted friends, and my beloved pets.

But that helps no one. 

And I want to help.

I'm offering $30 off your massage or coaching session until election day.

If you need nurturing and a place to relax, come find your sanctuary with me in a life coaching session or a massage (use coupon code SANCTUARY when scheduling for your $30 discount).

Massage therapy appointments* are provided in San Mateo. 

Life coaching sessions** can be in-person at my home office, over the phone, or via video conference call, whichever you prefer.​

“From what we get, we can make a living; 
what we give, however, makes a life."
Arthur Ashe​

Schedule your session here. Use coupon code SANCTUARY to receive your $30 discount.

I hope to see you soon.

Big hugs,
Kathleen

* My life coaching/massage therapy practice is women-centered. I work with men who are referred by friends or trusted clients.

** In my life coaching sessions, we focus on current issues and find ways to work through obstacles that are in the way of making a life you love. If you’re feeling the need to process through old hurts, you may need the help of an experienced therapist. You can do an online search to find one here: findapsychologist.org